An Apology A Thank You and An Understanding.

Side notes to understand my crazy brain waves tonight:

First off: I have Parents who have taught me one of the most valuable lesson I have ever learned in my life, that life is not about what you have and other lacks, but a true and genuine love for others and their achievements, happiness, and success. In other words,  My parents are a wonderful example in the simple lesson of being Happy when others succeed.

and I will openly admit I have really struggled with this, being as competitive as I am. But I have prayed for help and I can honestly feel God's hands in my life as I have been able to push past my insecurities and pride and been able to celebrate with the wonderful people around me what life has given them and what the Lord has blessed them with. What an eye opener it has been to see the Lord in all these sweet peoples lives, and how he truly loves each of us individually.  It has really blessed my testimony and my life as I get to know and love the people I have been around and my heart is full as I feel a portion of God's love for them.

Second: I have been thinking about all the things I have learned in the last few years about my interaction with those around me. I could probably go on for hours and hours about each and every individual and how I said something stupid or they did and life moved on and those relationships never flourished because of human inadequacies and my inability to truly forgive those who have hurt me. So to those I have hurt, I am truly sorry for my insecurities, immaturity and plain old stupidity. I hope that as your lives go on that you you live them to the fullest and someday we can forgive each other. Know that I am forgiving as the Savior taught and working to always become more like Christ even if I was wrong once upon a time{thank goodness for the atonement}  Also, thank you for the chance to grow as a person. I know I needed your influence.

Third: My life is changing for the better and I am grateful for the people who I have in my life who have said the right things at the right time and have helped with the change, even with the smallest words or unknowingly said something at the right time. You all have been instruments in the Lords hands and I thank you for being worthy to have the spirit with you.


So to explain,
I have been thinking about my college relationships and have not really loved some of the outcomes but none the less, its been a ride and I haven't loved it all but I would do it all over again. Especially to end up where I am now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I am so excited to be getting married, I haven't come out and say this to anyone so here it all goes.

I can not believe its really happening and I have loved every minute. I am so relieved to have found Kade and know that our life together may not be perfect but its ours and it will always be just that, ours.
Its going to be an adventure, and its one I can't even explain, because we are just starting and its an incredible feeling of gratitude for the new adventure.

Everyone asks me, " are you nervous?" My response has been "I haven't had time to be nervous." But the truth is I am not nervous, I am anxious that the time will never come that I get to be with him, yes a little cynical I know but I love him so much I could not live without the man, I depend on him and it scares me to death that the wedding day wont come fast enough.

The other question is " are you ready?" I am never too sure what this question actually means, but to give my best answer,  I am ready to be his wife, to take care of him,  to love him, to laugh with him, to do whatever comes our way, and to face life's hardest battles by his side. Now, if your referring to the temple part, God has put me through a refiners fire for almost three years now, and its been rough, and difficult and I have cried my self to sleep and learned the weight of life's heartaches. But if this is what it takes to enter his house and to understand and comprehend his many great and glorious blessing then yes I am ready.


I wish I could adequately explain the rest of thoughts in my head but sometimes words can't describe emotions that run deep and thoughts that are years long in developing and may take many more years in explaining.

so for now thats an apology a thank you and an understanding.