An Apology A Thank You and An Understanding.

Side notes to understand my crazy brain waves tonight:

First off: I have Parents who have taught me one of the most valuable lesson I have ever learned in my life, that life is not about what you have and other lacks, but a true and genuine love for others and their achievements, happiness, and success. In other words,  My parents are a wonderful example in the simple lesson of being Happy when others succeed.

and I will openly admit I have really struggled with this, being as competitive as I am. But I have prayed for help and I can honestly feel God's hands in my life as I have been able to push past my insecurities and pride and been able to celebrate with the wonderful people around me what life has given them and what the Lord has blessed them with. What an eye opener it has been to see the Lord in all these sweet peoples lives, and how he truly loves each of us individually.  It has really blessed my testimony and my life as I get to know and love the people I have been around and my heart is full as I feel a portion of God's love for them.

Second: I have been thinking about all the things I have learned in the last few years about my interaction with those around me. I could probably go on for hours and hours about each and every individual and how I said something stupid or they did and life moved on and those relationships never flourished because of human inadequacies and my inability to truly forgive those who have hurt me. So to those I have hurt, I am truly sorry for my insecurities, immaturity and plain old stupidity. I hope that as your lives go on that you you live them to the fullest and someday we can forgive each other. Know that I am forgiving as the Savior taught and working to always become more like Christ even if I was wrong once upon a time{thank goodness for the atonement}  Also, thank you for the chance to grow as a person. I know I needed your influence.

Third: My life is changing for the better and I am grateful for the people who I have in my life who have said the right things at the right time and have helped with the change, even with the smallest words or unknowingly said something at the right time. You all have been instruments in the Lords hands and I thank you for being worthy to have the spirit with you.


So to explain,
I have been thinking about my college relationships and have not really loved some of the outcomes but none the less, its been a ride and I haven't loved it all but I would do it all over again. Especially to end up where I am now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I am so excited to be getting married, I haven't come out and say this to anyone so here it all goes.

I can not believe its really happening and I have loved every minute. I am so relieved to have found Kade and know that our life together may not be perfect but its ours and it will always be just that, ours.
Its going to be an adventure, and its one I can't even explain, because we are just starting and its an incredible feeling of gratitude for the new adventure.

Everyone asks me, " are you nervous?" My response has been "I haven't had time to be nervous." But the truth is I am not nervous, I am anxious that the time will never come that I get to be with him, yes a little cynical I know but I love him so much I could not live without the man, I depend on him and it scares me to death that the wedding day wont come fast enough.

The other question is " are you ready?" I am never too sure what this question actually means, but to give my best answer,  I am ready to be his wife, to take care of him,  to love him, to laugh with him, to do whatever comes our way, and to face life's hardest battles by his side. Now, if your referring to the temple part, God has put me through a refiners fire for almost three years now, and its been rough, and difficult and I have cried my self to sleep and learned the weight of life's heartaches. But if this is what it takes to enter his house and to understand and comprehend his many great and glorious blessing then yes I am ready.


I wish I could adequately explain the rest of thoughts in my head but sometimes words can't describe emotions that run deep and thoughts that are years long in developing and may take many more years in explaining.

so for now thats an apology a thank you and an understanding.

thank you already

thank you already for the wonderful outpouring of love on my birthday you all are the best!

yep.

I am having a hard time lately with all the the change going on in my life. Its all happening so quickly I feel like I don't have the time be excited for all of it. I don't have the time to spend on the little things lately because there are so many big things going on. Its a little intense over here.

Example : Both my cousins have gotten married and for me its so exciting I love weddings always have always will. I just want to be able to express to them how I proud I am of them for getting married in the temple! in this world and all it offers its a great thing to see them both do it!

I have been have these trival meltdowns lately about the silliest things. and I am hoping to be able to make it to the wedding in 30!!! days. tomorrow I get married in a month. holy something I can 't think of.  I am ready to be married.

oh and the sad realization yesterday that I have no shorts that are long enough for summer mad me cry. hahahah I am pathetic.

thats about it for now.
catch you soon.

thoughts

It is truly amazing how everything changes so fast. Where has the time gone? I honestly still can not believe that it 2012. It never occurred to me that 2011 even happened, I feel like it was an extension of 2010. Maybe its because I have worked the last two new years eves. or that 2011 all happened in one place, Rexburg. Whatever it is that caused it, I am still in awe. I was up late last night trying to get a grip on my life, and haha got no where close.

I am getting married in 70 days and even that stills feels like a dream.

 I graduate college in july.

My little brother got into Idaho! 
Wow Connor is old enough to be in college. I am finally starting to realize he is not so 'little' anymore.

I have learned some much of the last two years and I know that without the help of certain people,I would still be struggling, and I travelled so much it makes me miss learning from other cultures.  Look at all these different examples,

this one
that one
oh this one
another 
again
yep you guessed it
this place 
then here
there
oh my
wow
more
and more


then these
those
this
them 
that

there are so many more, I would be linking all day.
here are three most important
one
two
three

and there is just parts of my thoughts last night, hopefully tonight will be better

growing up

OH MY GOODNESS!!I am having this insane, curve of tears happiness! One of the sweetest and best people I know is getting married on Friday, and I feel like like leaving on Thursday, I am getting there too late! she is awesome my cousin and I wish her the best happily ever after life can possibly give her! I can't wait to tell you all about it!

Here are a few pictures,
and facts,
Lauren and I went to Greece together
Lauren Alex and I, who I would consider the three musketeers of the Sheppard cousins, are all getting married in less than 4 months apart. Can you say fun married couple trips? I can!
I love those two girls and honestly couldn't express my happiness for them!

then the real treasures

happy{almost} ever after Lauren. I wish you and TJ the best life has to offer! Couldn't be more proud of you for getting married in the temple, and finding someone as kind hearted as you are!

love ya!