just read me

So in stretches of time where I have things that bug me I tend to dwell on them, I take them everywhere! To the grocery store, into the shower, to my brothers football practice, often interrupting my book because I am so focused on what bugs me. 

Today was one of those days. I swore coming back from Europe to try and correct this. To learn to not stress but take it in wrestle it down and move on. Little did I know then exactly how hard this would be. 

So at the end of day one, I am currently no farther than where I began and still at a loss on how it is to deal with my mind and my incapability to put up  the"walls" to block and sort through my day. 

 Its frustrating, I recently heard a quote, I can't remember by whom it was said, but it goes as follows" The only real control in this life is self control." Since, I tend to be a little of a control freak you can imagine how this tiny little statement opened my eyes to a whole new world. It's always been said that the 

"world is yours" or 

"you are in control of your own life" or my favorite 

"you can control your reaction"

I being the very proud and sometimes controlling person I am, gave this no real thought until today, when I tried so desperately to fight what I have allowed my self to do for years, let my thoughts run my day, my stress determine my attitude and my body to show a visible annoyance at something that isn't affecting anyone else but my self. 

I know most people claim to have voices in their heads and different people running different people running different parts. 

Well, up here in my head its just one big control freak, knowing it is  a time for change and not knowing how to do it. 

So to the control freak in my head, 

It is you and only you exercising self control to say no, to put up the wall and to move on. For we together can not always control everything but we can control ourself and thats the best we got, so tomorrow do you think you could help me out a bit?? awesome thanks!

hayley